As time passes it becomes clear that I am seeing the world as spirit. The “me” looking out through my eyes has changed.
For many years, I invested myself in a world that didn’t seem like spirit at all. I tried to fit into the world, to make my way, to find love and love others, to be a good partner, a caring dad, to learn the workings of the world and help where I could. Those intentions were fine. I cherished them.
But the insecurity of falling short over and over was unbearable. And we cannot help but fall short.
The insecurity brought dread and self-loathing. I tried to sooth those painful feelings with alcohol. It worked for a while, but alcohol only works for a while. Then it quits working. After that, it produces its own dread and self-loathing.
I tried to wrestle peace out of the darkness of a world without spirit. A fool’s errand. There is no peace in darkness. I fell further and further behind in my goal of being a decent person.
Thank heavens a crash came. The crash was inevitable. It was my health. And surprisingly, it came with an overwhelming feeling of relief and a final, “OK, I give up.”
Surrender was all I had left, but I had no idea that surrender was a door, the only door. My surrender was followed quickly by healing. It was surrender and healing, over and over, day after day.
Once I was back on my feet – a bit wobbly – it was clear I had become a different creature. Something else was looking out through my eyes. And the world I saw had become a spiritual place. Now I know that it had been spiritual all along. My eyes were finally seeing the truth.
A friend observed that my spiritual awakening was not intentional. Indeed it was not. It came through a life-threatening health crisis. Nor can I credit myself for my recovery. Recovery came through medical science and sustained sobriety. I can’t even credit myself for the sobriety. When I awoke into this new world, all desire for mind-altering substances was gone.
So I can’t say follow my path. Please don’t. But I can say, the world is a spiritual place to the eyes that look out through me to the world. It’s a spiritual place for you as well.
Good to hear from you. I have wondered how you are. Now, I know. Looking forward to more posts. I agree that each path is unique and all any of us has to do is to begin, and every moment offers that opportunity.
Thanks Karen. I agree — every moment is an opportunity.
Beatifully said. I really like “now I know it was spiritual all along”. Exactly how I feel today. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks for your kind words, Art.
I’ve been trying to look at the world as inhabited by spirits. Humans, animals, even trees, etc. – we are spirit first, before the appearance. Looking at the world this way makes me sympathize more with other humans and feel closer to nature.
Thanks Fennixin. The world is all spirit.
I am so happy to hear about your spiritual awakening! 🙂 It is like iithinks says in one of his poems, sometimes the spirit enters through an open wound 🙂
That’s a great line, entering through an open wound. Thanks, Line.
All the credit goes to iithinks, he said it! 🙂 I think you would like that poem, if you have not allready read it 🙂 I recommend it 🙂
Wow. Very moving. Thanks for sharing! Pam
Reblogged this on Spirit Sunshine's Blog.
That so much for reblogging, Spirit Sunshine.