Tag Archives: spiritual awakening

Spirit Looking Through My Eyes

Posted on by under Healing, love, spiritual awakening, Spirituality, transformation

As time passes it becomes clear that I am seeing the world as spirit. The “me” looking out through my eyes has changed.

For many years, I invested myself in a world that didn’t seem like spirit at all. I tried to fit into the world, to make my way, to find love and love others, to be a good partner, a caring dad, to learn the workings of the world and help where I could. Those intentions were fine. I cherished them.

But the insecurity of falling short over and over was unbearable. And we cannot help but fall short.

The insecurity brought dread and self-loathing. I tried to sooth those painful feelings with alcohol. It worked for a while, but alcohol only works for a while. Then it quits working. After that, it produces its own dread and self-loathing.

I tried to wrestle peace out of the darkness of a world without spirit. A fool’s errand. There is no peace in darkness. I fell further and further behind in my goal of being a decent person.

Thank heavens a crash came. The crash was inevitable. It was my health. And surprisingly, it came with an overwhelming feeling of relief and a final, “OK, I give up.”

Surrender was all I had left, but I had no idea that surrender was a door, the only door. My surrender was followed quickly by healing. It was surrender and healing, over and over, day after day.

Once I was back on my feet – a bit wobbly – it was clear I had become a different creature. Something else was looking out through my eyes. And the world I saw had become a spiritual place. Now I know that it had been spiritual all along. My eyes were finally seeing the truth.

A friend observed that my spiritual awakening was not intentional. Indeed it was not. It came through a life-threatening health crisis. Nor can I credit myself for my recovery. Recovery came through medical science and sustained sobriety. I can’t even credit myself for the sobriety. When I awoke into this new world, all desire for mind-altering substances was gone.

So I can’t say follow my path. Please don’t. But I can say, the world is a spiritual place to the eyes that look out through me to the world. It’s a spiritual place for you as well.

Why Do We Seek a Spiritual Awakening?

Posted on by under love, peace, spiritual awakening, Spirituality

Sometimes we actively pursue a spiritual awakening, sometimes we find ourselves drawn to spirituality without a clear idea of seeking something specific. Any number of things in our lives can prompt us toward spirituality.

Difficulties most often bring us to the spiritual. Dealing with addiction, abuse, family estrangement, financial stress. We begin to see that something in our lives has to change. In some cases, spirituality seems to hover in our lives, and we reach a point where it is finally time to reach out and connect to it.

In the song, “Suzanne,” Leonard Cohen sings, “Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water, and he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower, and when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him, he said all me shall be sailors then until the sea shall free them.”

The most common answer given from those who seek spirituality is the desire for peace. People want an end to discomfort, pain, distress, anxiety, or depression.

Fear in its many forms may be the critical prompt to spirituality. In A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis wrote that “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness.”

Elizabeth Kubler Ross said, “There are only two emotions: love and fear. All positive emotions come from love, all negative emotions from fear. From love flows happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. From fear comes anger, hate, anxiety and guilt.

So we seek love. And we find that the love we crave cannot be found in a relationship. We can bring love to a relationship, but we can’t get the real love we need from a relationship. We get the love we really need from a deep place within, and that’s where our spirituality resides.

Awake and the World is New

Posted on by under spiritual awakening, Spiritual light, Spirituality, transformation

Sometimes we rouse from sleep slowly, grab a cup of coffee and nurse it quietly on a cool spring morning as the sun warms our skin. Other times, we jump out of bed and dash at the day, waking at full speed. Spiritual awakenings are no different. They can come as a gradual unfolding of light and understanding, or they can feel like a jolting breakthrough that disrupts everything.

I love the gentle percolation of the slow awakening. Years might go by gently on a soft plateau – a pastoral spirituality. I also love the thrill of getting rocketed from slumber.

There is a third way. Instead of a progression or journey from sleep to wakefulness, we might experience a different form of waking, where suddenly everything changes in the blink of an eye. There is no sensation of travel. It’s like a light gets switched on suddenly. Darkness goes away in an instant.

We travel a great distance from the old world to a fresh new world with no sense of movement. This has happened a few times in my life.

One day the world has a particular texture with specific challenges and pressures. The next day, the very nature of reality has shifted. The old physics no longer apply. We have become a new creature. We have to learn how to walk again, learn how to be in relationships again We have to discover who our friends are and who our family members are.

This sudden change is not isolating. I’ve found myself quickly surrounded by new friends or old friends who are now different, glowing in new light. Family members once distant are suddenly close. The world becomes warm and welcoming where it was once full of tension and difficulties.

I don’t know whether I changed or the world changed. But it was clear there was no going back, and the world had taken on a bright sheen that glowed down below the surface of everything.

What Spiritual Journey?

Posted on by under spiritual awakening, Spirituality, True self

When did your spiritual journey begin? Maybe at the beginning of time. Maybe it’s not a journey at all.

Our spiritual unfolding can feel like a journey. We may sense development or progress. We may be able to identify milestones, breakthroughs, shifts in consciousness, moments of awakening. These are not illusions. They are real. But there is no journey, and you don’t move from one place to another.

You have always been whole. You have always been connected. Any thoughts or feelings that are otherwise are illusions. If there’s a journey, it’s a journey of undoing illusions.

When I was a young child, I experienced life as whole. Every day was one day. There were milestones, but they weren’t milestones of self or consciousness. My self was intact and connected. One day, I didn’t need a crib. On another day, I could turn on the TV by myself.

But I wasn’t different. I was the same. And every day was like one continuous day.

Things changed abruptly when I went to school. Teachers identified me as a me. It was very surprising. I had a difficult time understanding what they saw. Mostly they saw things they thought needed improving. Some things they praised. I didn’t know what to make of it either way.

Soon enough I noticed my parents were in collusion with my teachers. So were aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, strangers in the stores and parks. I quickly realized I had to identify with whatever “self” they were all seeing and try to bring that self into acceptance. In confusion, I desperately tried to create a self – a self to hide behind. That self was mostly created by everything around me. I worked hard to fit into it, but I wasn’t great at the process. And there was no escaping the work to create a self that was acceptable.

Deep down I knew that everyone was wrong about who I was. I knew I was connected to something more, something vast, something larger than our neighborhood. But I was outnumbered.

During summers I could let much of my budding ego go as I ran free in fields and woods, seeking tadpoles, snakes, and caterpillars. For years, I was partly successful. This ended completely with the onset of puberty.

It can take decades to remember who you are. It can take lifetimes.

Imagine the relief I felt as I discovered that my five-year-old being was real after all. It wasn’t a journey to get there; it wasn’t even a returning. It was simply an awareness of the truth, a sense of presence that was dearly familiar.

My true being never left. It was never diminished. I didn’t have to travel anywhere to align myself once again with a true self – the self that isn’t a self. I had to nearly die, but I didn’t have to go on a journey.

Transformation Now

Posted on by under spiritual awakening, Spirituality, transformation

Or at least years from now.

Spiritual transformation happens slowly, and then all of a sudden. We might walk the path of spirituality for years before experiencing an out-of-nowhere change.

I have participated in many spiritual groups – book reading groups, meditation groups, “A Course in Miracles” groups. Many of my fellow members have been unsure of their spirituality. They learn the vocabulary but they don’t experience a personal change or a spiritual breakthrough. I watch people work at it for years, sincerely, and still they experience no discernable transformation. Things in their lives may improve slightly, but there is no dramatic psychic change.

Transformation makes its own plans and moves at its own speed. If the student is patient and determined, the transformation will occur and life will change — dramatically. It may come gradually with a glow or a hum. Or it may come suddenly in an instant when the very fabric of reality changes, and in the distance, you begin to hear voices singing.

When my children were young, we would catch tadpoles and bring them home to watch their transformation. They changed slowly. First a couple small stubs for back legs appeared. Those legs would slowly grow larger. Later, the front legs would appear. Even when the tadpole had four tiny legs, it still used its strong tail for swimming. But gradually the tail was absorbed by the body. Then one day, with its tail nearly gone, the frog would crawl out of the water and onto land.

The gradual transformation suddenly produced a new creature. The tiny frog would sit on the shore in its new skin, with their new lungs pumping air, and it wouldn’t move. This little creature seemed stunned by the sudden change. After a day or two, the frog would begin to crawl around in search of insects, its new nourishment.

Spiritual transformation is similar. We develop slowly, gaining metaphysical arms and legs so we can function as transformed creatures. But our lives may seem essentially the same for years. Then suddenly, we become the new creature, breathing new air with young new lungs. Seemingly out of nowhere, we are on to a new life, seeking new nourishment.

Spiritual evolution takes years. During those years, growth can seem so slow it’s imperceptible. But change does occur, and one day, we suddenly realize we are a new creature stepping into a new world.

Living the Ego Blues

Posted on by under spiritual awakening, Spirituality, True self

Each day, in our own way, we choose either the spirit world or the ego world. Over and over each day, we make the choice. Knowing the difference between the two, the choice should be easy. Just as easy as it is for an alcoholic choosing not to take that next drink.

Here are the choices:

In the ego world, you rarely have a truly good day – that is, unless you have a really, really good day. We know what follows that.

In the ego world, one taste is never enough.

We’re always struggling to get things right in the ego world.

In the ego world, every opportunity is matched with a downside.

In the ego world, we all say, “Come on, let’s get real.”

Everything is addictive in the ego world, even pain.

In the ego world, you can stay up all night trying to straighten out a relationship, trying to figure it out. You can’t figure it out in the ego world.

Winning, while exciting at first, eventually fade to gray.

In the ego world, we earn our resentments and hold on to them dearly.

I am never wrong in the ego world. If I did something wrong, I had my reasons.

In the ego world, nobody really understands, and betrayal is just a matter of time.

Luck is critical in the ego world, and luck is cruel.

In the ego world, there’s always a bad moon rising.

We are all trying to find our way home in the ego world.

It’s all searching but not finding in the ego world.

Good feelings don’t last, love doesn’t last, and mothers and daughters don’t get along.

God is far, far away.

In the ego world, I need a drink. But a little coke would be better. Then a drink.

There are no truths inside the ego world.

In the ego world you have to learn to protect yourself. From everything.

In the ego world, we all die.

In the spirit world, we are home. We are one with spirit; we are one with each other. We always have been, and we always will be. I can see you in the spirit world, and you are beautiful.

Heaven Is Present

Posted on by under spiritual awakening, Spiritual light, Spirituality

In Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, Socrates describes our world as a shadow. Everything we touch and feel seems real, but it’s a pale reflection of the truth – much like living in a black and white 2D TV. No depth, no color, no actual truth.

In Plato’s cave, the people are chained. They are only able to see shadows on the wall reflected from the fire behind them. They take these shadows to be reality, since that’s all they can  perceive. Plato suggested that our perception of reality is similar. We see only reflections of the truth as we are chained in a shadow world. Yet, just behind this reflected reality is a vast world of color and depth.

We are not in chains. We are free to use our intuition, imagination, and insights to see the truth – that we are one with spirit, that existence is vast, and that we are eternal beings.

In late December of 2012, I was suffering from the physical effects of years of alcoholism. In the emergency room, I experienced respiratory failure. In the attempt to save my life, clean my system, and nourish my body back to health, the doctors put me into a drug-induced coma for three and a half weeks. They performed a tracheotomy, put me on a ventilator, and hooked me up to tubes. The wise doctors brought me through magnificently.

Then I experienced two and a half weeks of delusion, a normal response when the brain reboots from a coma. The delusions were not like dreams. They were as vivid as any reality I’ve experienced. I didn’t suspect they were delusions until my son began to point out the inconsistencies in the events I believed to be happening, He convinced me they were not actually happening.

In my deluded state, people visited me who were not actually there. I imagined relationships – both good and bad – with the healthcare professionals around me. I had wonderful experiences, I had frightening experiences – much like life – exactly like life.

When the delusions ceased, it merely seemed that the current delusion had started to last longer than the previous delusions. It took me days to trust the final delusion that we call life. And I haven’t really come to trust it since, for now I learned that delusions can seem perfectly real.

Reality is consciousness – consciousness is reality. Yet that’s not entirely true. There is an actual truth behind our world. Behind this shadow of reality, there is an eternal truth that is not subject to distortion either in consciousness or in what we call reality. That truth is that we are one with spirit. We have always been one with spirit. We always will be one with spirit.

The Christ said, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Yes, we are in heaven; we just can’t see it fully from here. We can’t comprehend or perceive correctly what is before us. Yet, spirit is right here, closer than anything – as close as breath.

There is nothing else that’s real except for the presence of spirit. Once we realize we are one with spirit, the false vision of the world and the false self can begin melt away. They already have. The delusion cannot hide the reality that our true awakening is present. That truth is not to be waited for; it is right here.

Most of us believe we have to die to reach heaven. We are already in heaven. We may have trouble seeing it, accepting it, but it’s here. The kingdom is at hand. It’s not far away; it’s not in some other world. It’s apparent now. We do not have to die. As the Christ said, “The kingdom of heaven is within  you.” Not outside you, not held away until you die, but within you. Within you always, now and forever.